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About Literature / Artist Senior Member ...of a different coin.Unknown Groups :iconhouse-of-playwrights: House-of-Playwrights
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:iconhouse-of-playwrights: This critique serves as part of the prize package for your success in our script-writing contest: Overall Positives The development o...

:iconhouse-of-playwrights: This is a very hard critique to write, as there are very few things to criticize about this piece you've written. From the first line...

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To Be A Dingledody by GuinevereToGwen

This critique serves as part of the prize package for your success in our script-writing contest:

Overall Positives

The development of the two characters is done very gradually through the piece, and quite successfully. The character of Lenore, in particular, shows dynamism and uniqueness, both in her choice of words and in her actions. She is not afraid to mock an adult when he is doing something worthy of mockery, and yet she seems able to realize there is usually more to a person than what is immediately apparent.

On the other hand, Blake seems to be more of a "mask-person." In most of his interactions with Lenore, he presents a jokey sort of aloofness mixed with an "I'm your friend" brand of teacher-ese -- not wholly alienating yet not wholly honest. From his monologue, it's apparent that he has difficulty even being honest with himself much of the time. In performance, it will be necessary for the performer to understand and to be able to straddle that paradox, lest the character turn into a shallow, sad-clown stereotype.

In addition to the character development, I was also impressed by the poignancy of the ending. Lenore's destiny was fairly predictable, in that (for a Western audience) there is an expectation that the damaged child will always be reunited to one's parents, one way or another. However, Blake's choice at the end upends many Western expectations. Despite society's supposed exaltation of individuality, and despite the fact that Blake "commits" to follow his heart elsewhere, the cowardly thing to do -- the pragmatic and socially practical thing to do -- becomes the only thing to do. This ending challenges the audience to consider the motivations behind their own "easy" life choices.

Overall Negatives

In the beginning of Blake and Lenore's interactions, I felt that Blake breaks the ice nicely by showing concern for (rain-wet) Lenore, but his lack of reaction at being called "creepy" reads as very unrealistic. Sure, contextually, they're joking around, but Lenore seems at least half-serious on that line -- perhaps, serious in trying to shut the conversation down. By pushing things back into the jokey-familiar realm, Blake crosses the line and sounds pretty invasive and boorish. (Maybe that's what you are going for, but it seems a bit out of character for Blake.)

I was also a bit annoyed at the length of the monologue in scene 4. There were points that I felt could be abbreviated; the whole thing got a little repetitive for me. As a result, the energy of the scene was down, and that's the last thing that should be happening in the penultimate scene (or act) of a play. Perhaps, giving Blake something to do would also help raise the stakes for the audience. As it is, Blake's mental wanderings felt boring and aimless (which they shouldn't).

If you have any questions about anything I've said, or you need me to elaborate some more, feel free to ask. :)

This is a very hard critique to write, as there are very few things to criticize about this piece you've written. From the first line to the last couplet, I was blown away by the seemingly effortless flow.

That the speaker falls in love, yet speaks not of romance, is particularly interesting to me. This asexual attraction -- this platonic admiration -- that the speaker feels carries an untarnished nobility and unexpected maturity with it.

"Love" does not always lead to relationship. "Love" does not have to be lasting. "Love" can be short, and it can be beautiful. Metaphorically, this idea is carried in the white temporality of the snow (it lasts but a season), as well as in the immemorial nature of the boy's song (it cannot be resung). Even if it was unintended, the parallelism works well.

Nothing bad to say, really. It was a joy to read this.

What do you think of Macaronic (Multi-language) Literature? 

17 deviants said C'est bueno!
10 deviants said It's not my cup of tea.


...of a different coin.
Artist | Literature
Strange is just another word for creative.
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A few words...

If it is true - as the Bard says - that "the lunatic, the lover, and the poet are of imagination all compact," should we treat a creative mind the same as a diseased one? Should an infatuation with the voices in one's head be considered all that dissimilar to an infatuation with the voice of one who says, "I love thee"?

Men and women throughout the ages have done "crazy" things for love and for art - self-murder, self-mutilation, and self-sacrifice being among the most common. If lunacy means losing touch with reality to the point of total malfunction, then those afflicted with the arts and with eros may have only lost touch with certain parts of reality. For the artist, one loses touch with that part of reality that fails to inspire; likewise, for the lover, it means losing touch with that part of reality that fails to evoke. Depending on the individual, this "eclipse of the heart" may drive one to create wonder, or atrocity.

Generalities aside, Shakespeare has given us much to consider with his statement.


Mar 26, 2015
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Add a Comment:
HtBlack Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2015
Thank you for the points towards the super group status. :heart:
JACAC Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014
i . g o t . a n o t h e r :w00t:
t h a n k . y o u . =)
(1 Reply)
JACAC Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014

h e l l o . :wave:

t h a n k . y o u . f o r . t h e . k i n d . :+fav: . o n . m y . n i n t h . DD =)


i f  . y o u . w a n t . i . i n v i t e . y o u . t o . s e e . t h e . o t h e r s


i f . y o u . g e t . t h e . c h a n c e . i . w o u l d . l o v e . t o . r e a d . a l s o . y o u r . c o m m e n t s


s m i l e . s u m m e r . i s . o u t s i d e . =)=)

(1 Reply)
smith4891 Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Your current residence is a Beatles song? :) 
(1 Reply)
SuperBeatlesForever Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thx for the lama ^^ :)
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