Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Literature / Artist Senior Member ...of a different coin.Unknown Groups :iconhouse-of-playwrights: House-of-Playwrights
Because the world is a stage...
Recent Activity
Deviant for 4 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 123 Deviations 8,789 Comments 18,361 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Created with care....

Critiques


:iconhouse-of-playwrights: This critique serves as part of the prize package for your success in our script-writing contest: Overall Positives The development o...


:iconhouse-of-playwrights: This is a very hard critique to write, as there are very few things to criticize about this piece you've written. From the first line...

Bizarre in Photography


Flash Player 8 is required to view SitBack. Get the latest version of Flash Player.
Life is life...

Groups

:iconthewrittenrevolution: :iconhouse-of-playwrights: :iconda-libertarians: :icondaily-deviations:

Friends

:iconbirdofj: :iconsilverwings007:

Activity


Unsteady Dances with an Unsteady Partner by Same-side
Unsteady Dances with an Unsteady Partner
or "Where, Oh Where, Did My Little [God] Go?"

This was written as a semi-imitation of James Tate's "Consolations After an Affair", but as one can (hopefully) see, the piece has gone in its own unique direction.

For tWR: comments.deviantart.com/1/4548…

Which stanzas fit best/worst within the overall movement of the piece?

Are there any line breaks which seem out of place? Which ones?

Which images stand out in a good way? In a bad way?

What would you word differently? Why?

How do you interpret this poem?

Does there appear to be a unifying theme?

How do the two titles affect your understanding of the piece?
Loading...
To Be A Dingledody by GuinevereToGwen
:iconhouse-of-playwrights:

This critique serves as part of the prize package for your success in our script-writing contest:

Overall Positives

The development of the two characters is done very gradually through the piece, and quite successfully. The character of Lenore, in particular, shows dynamism and uniqueness, both in her choice of words and in her actions. She is not afraid to mock an adult when he is doing something worthy of mockery, and yet she seems able to realize there is usually more to a person than what is immediately apparent.

On the other hand, Blake seems to be more of a "mask-person." In most of his interactions with Lenore, he presents a jokey sort of aloofness mixed with an "I'm your friend" brand of teacher-ese -- not wholly alienating yet not wholly honest. From his monologue, it's apparent that he has difficulty even being honest with himself much of the time. In performance, it will be necessary for the performer to understand and to be able to straddle that paradox, lest the character turn into a shallow, sad-clown stereotype.

In addition to the character development, I was also impressed by the poignancy of the ending. Lenore's destiny was fairly predictable, in that (for a Western audience) there is an expectation that the damaged child will always be reunited to one's parents, one way or another. However, Blake's choice at the end upends many Western expectations. Despite society's supposed exaltation of individuality, and despite the fact that Blake "commits" to follow his heart elsewhere, the cowardly thing to do -- the pragmatic and socially practical thing to do -- becomes the only thing to do. This ending challenges the audience to consider the motivations behind their own "easy" life choices.

Overall Negatives

In the beginning of Blake and Lenore's interactions, I felt that Blake breaks the ice nicely by showing concern for (rain-wet) Lenore, but his lack of reaction at being called "creepy" reads as very unrealistic. Sure, contextually, they're joking around, but Lenore seems at least half-serious on that line -- perhaps, serious in trying to shut the conversation down. By pushing things back into the jokey-familiar realm, Blake crosses the line and sounds pretty invasive and boorish. (Maybe that's what you are going for, but it seems a bit out of character for Blake.)

I was also a bit annoyed at the length of the monologue in scene 4. There were points that I felt could be abbreviated; the whole thing got a little repetitive for me. As a result, the energy of the scene was down, and that's the last thing that should be happening in the penultimate scene (or act) of a play. Perhaps, giving Blake something to do would also help raise the stakes for the audience. As it is, Blake's mental wanderings felt boring and aimless (which they shouldn't).



If you have any questions about anything I've said, or you need me to elaborate some more, feel free to ask. :)

What do you think of Macaronic (Multi-language) Literature? 

63%
17 deviants said C'est bueno!
37%
10 deviants said It's not my cup of tea.

deviantID

Same-side
...of a different coin.
Artist | Literature
Strange is just another word for creative.
Current Residence: Back in the U.S.S.R.

Favourite genre of music: Heavy Metal

Skin of choice: Albatross

Favourite cartoon character: Calvin

Quote of the Moment:
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius band?

To get to the same side!
Random Fact: A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
Interests

AdCast - Ads from the Community

A few words...

If it is true - as the Bard says - that "the lunatic, the lover, and the poet are of imagination all compact," should we treat a creative mind the same as a diseased one? Should an infatuation with the voices in one's head be considered all that dissimilar to an infatuation with the voice of one who says, "I love thee"?

Men and women throughout the ages have done "crazy" things for love and for art - self-murder, self-mutilation, and self-sacrifice being among the most common. If lunacy means losing touch with reality to the point of total malfunction, then those afflicted with the arts and with eros may have only lost touch with certain parts of reality. For the artist, one loses touch with that part of reality that fails to inspire; likewise, for the lover, it means losing touch with that part of reality that fails to evoke. Depending on the individual, this "eclipse of the heart" may drive one to create wonder, or atrocity.

Generalities aside, Shakespeare has given us much to consider with his statement.

Visitors

:iconclassically-depunk:
Classically-DePunk
May 21, 2015
11:10 am
:icondaemion:
Daemion
May 20, 2015
12:18 pm
:iconlittle-tin-wings:
Little-Tin-Wings
May 18, 2015
3:25 pm
:iconmelon2:
melon2
May 17, 2015
7:34 am
:iconwordofthewillow:
wordofthewillow
May 16, 2015
10:09 am

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconlexi247:
Lexi247 Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2015
Just stopping by to say hello :hug: Have a wonderful day!
Reply
:iconsilhouettedrider:
SilhouettedRider Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2015  Professional Writer

Hi! On behalf of Deviant-Writing, I would like to welcome you to our group and thank you for joining! :)

We currently have a poll going on our home-page, and we would really appreciate it if you could take the time to vote and even comment, so we know what to focus on in our group. :aww:

 

Please feel free to check out our home-page to see all of the activities and programs we are hosting, along with details on how to participate! We can help you gain comments on your deviations, get writing advice, and participate in contests, as well as much more.

 

If you would like to find out how to help us as a group, please check out our support account, Deviant-Writing-Aid, where any and all help is very much appreciated. Thank you!


Lastly, if you have any suggestions, queries or need help with anything, feel free to drop me or one of our fellow admins a note. Member suggestions are a huge part of doing what we do in our group, and we value them immensely. Please, if you ever have anything to say, do let us know! :D

I look forward to reading your deviations. :huggle:
Reply
:iconstasia101official:
Stasia101Official Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2015  New member Student General Artist
you are an extremely talented writer, from what I see :) you don't waste time getting done what needs to be done, and you've created many amazing pieces in that time <3 I've added you to my deviant watch, because I think you're worth watching. I'm a writer myself, i do poems, short stories and i'm writing a novel ;p good luck for the future, and all the best! cheers, Ana x
Reply
:iconthemaideninblack:
TheMaidenInBlack Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2015
Thank you for the points towards the super group status. :heart:
Reply
:iconjacac:
JACAC Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014
i . g o t . a n o t h e r :w00t:
t h a n k . y o u . =)
Reply
(1 Reply)
Add a Comment: